Verbalizer Apocalooptikon

soon I have 30 free days and nights off - at my disposal plus 500 euros, a car, no obligations to anyone, possibility of my selves’ isolation.

what would you do with such assets?

the background of the idea is: firstly I was considering the possibility of going by train to Morocco - not quite without bending the law, the tickets’ prices are ridiculously high. There my aim would be to find somebody/aZtream that would help me to get to mountais of High Atlas. And then to get back.

But the point of my departure is not touristickal at all!

I have will to upgrade myself, to purify myself, to integrate myself, to find and/or acknowledge the center I may integrate around, to rebuild myself, to upgrade myself, to reboot myself, to cure myself, to do the evolution thing. and to have helluva fun of it ovKrs.

I believe that to do this I may, but do not really need to go away (I find am a little sick of literally “casting myself into sea of chaos”).

I’d rather take the observances, go through a training / serie of doings and nodoings that I would like to design with your help.

should I emphasize how much do I care about your comments on this subject?
a lot-)

-werd

There is no becoming, no revolution, no struggle, no path.
Already you are the monarch of your own skin.
Your inviolable freedom waits to be completed only by the love of other
monarchs.
A politics of dream, urgent as the blueness of sky.
-Hakim Bey

ps. vee in dub!

the summer is gone.
sweet bitch autumn in da haus.
my life log-book is dispersed on several cdroms containing folders named by date, containing pictures I captured.
I don’t need much sleep lately. Once a week I am falling into 20 hours’ coma, recharging batteries after or before insane weekends.
the summer is gone. and spring and winter. and past autumn. I know this for fact, because last night I had refreshed my memories (and significant holes inbetween) searching all cdrs, finding meaningful pix, the 2nd selekshun of my photoz. soon I’ll make it online. I have selected following categories: ‘urban chunks for manny diller’, ‘cables and clouds’, ‘a.t.w.a.’, ‘winterkalte’, ‘us’ and ’stuff’. I could smell the scent, a shadow of a moment when the shutter lets the light to reach dark space inside the camera. january - august 2(zz)3. two going to be tree, and there is no child in an egg. who is the third unit?
I want to go to Morocco, I want to touch Atlas Mountainz. Any friendly zees, psycho-, hedonauts in there?
I got to go alone. somewhere, far. someone else will return. hopefully upgraded.
eye and the other people. forgetting that everyone is al one is to forget about death. forgetting about death we can hardly remember what life is. the animal that is living somewhere on a lower condignations of your being raises his head and roars with pleasure. sound resounds hypnotically in your staircase. happy time with dear friends breeds shallowness, forgetting oneself breeds illusion of impermanent inner reality. shallow and lost in mirrors everything ends in coils. it should not matter. the solitary path brings silent joys. teaches how to step down the stairs and embrace the animal. how to make every event welcome and how every act intergrates the intent. there is no time for shallow illusions. there is no time at all.
is it a time for leaving. I am leaving, components of me are to leave. mental, spiritual (if any: I like God {thee stoneZ of Death from the Eyez ov Universal Eagle yo}, I think God is BIG. recently I /dick/waved goodbye to the house of occult, no belief applied in reality A brings tasty fruits, everything ends in coils of inevitable addiction, where the success is proof Thelema fails as any other given system of ‘closed’ source code model, iluminated agnosticism [only one -ism I dare to put on] is cool at any rate, cost, age: here this longy digression ends, Allah is BIG and the Nipples of Eris are Chromed), emotional, intellectual, then virtual and body action in the end of the cone of growth, I got to go and hang myself upside down from the tree in the wood of neurons, in deep, deep forest.
I have received the outstanding amount of Love in my life. and I am approaching the point where I owe nothing to anybody. my birthsday is coming, virgo with carved dildo made of stone on Mars powered warpath says: (in long term) every little thing gonna be allrite.

un mate i know named by t.rex carezza wrote in comment to one of my previous entries: “Breakdown. Breakdance. Breakthrough. Plain and simply sometimes we need a break. The question is who are we? Draughtsmen in the game of time? Or rather who is experiencing and who is experienced?”
break. plain and simply everything breaks in the course of time. the question who are we always remains, but let’s fuck onthology for sake of pleasure. i am sensual experience. i am break. question who is experiencing or who is experience is irrelevant. experience is eye. pain and joy remains.

speaking with ppl i discover how false my picture of the world is. virtues: truth, honesty; emotions: love, compassion; feelings: pleasure, elation are no longer and probably never been required in pure, refined form. you may say that love is the law as long as you do not love anybody particular. you may be fooled enought to speak truth only but soon you discover that truth is required only in small bits, when given as a whole - is unbearable and brings about questioning priorities or something equally detached. on organic level you know that pleasure and elation are both the prophets of and the ‘good state’ itself, state that your body would appreciate, but try to say it in open manner aloud and watch the faces around you. confused i’m choking again.